Never let it be said that I don’t go to extremes to try to keep you lot informed, educated and entertained. In fact, I have just worked out this is my FOUR HUNDRED AND FORTIETH column – yes you read that correctly FOUR HUNDRED AND FORTY. Now, admittedly they have not all been my best work, but c’mon FOUR HUNDRED AND FORTY – that’s nearly 200,000 words. I reckon I at least deserve a new autumn wardrobe don’t you?
And I thought I had stumbled upon the perfect clobber when up popped a press release from PornHub announcing that “visionary designer” Shayne Oliver had once again joined forces with the world’s premier adult entertainment community, to launch The Shayne Oliver x Pornhub Collection.
To be fair, I hadn’t heard of him either but apparently he’s MASSIVE and he seemed pretty chuffed with his new collection, too, as he gushed: “Partnering with a titan like Pornhub, and adopting a digital-first approach for this fashion premiere felt fitting. This partnership allows the world to experience my fashion and artistry in a new way.”
And, according to the official blurb: “Audiences are invited to immerse themselves, channeling discussions about overexposure and vulnerability to introduce a collection that embodies Anonymous Club’s mission to disrupt convention through radical art.”
Pornhub head of brand and community Alex Kekesi is even more cock-a-hoop. She spouted: “This is an exciting continuation of the story that started between our brands back in 2016 and from the beautiful film starring Shayne and our ambassador Natassia to the incredibly designed co-branded items in the collection, Pornhub is so proud to be a part of this next chapter for Shayne in introducing his eponymous collection to the world.”
So, I hear you ask, will I be “immersing myself, channelling discussions about overexposure and vulnerability” with The Shayne Oliver x Pornhub Collection this autumn?
Er, perhaps not, as a closer look at his new collection reveals two T-shirts and a hoodie which look like they have been pulled out of the local charity collection bins, complete with rips and holes.
But, surely, the “fifteen-piece Capsule Collection shaped through Pornhub’s unique branding and audacious spirit” will strike a chord?
Er, sadly it’s another no. This features a range of yellow ponchos and dresses with the words “Anonymous Club” emblazoned on them. If you don’t believe me, check out the Shayne Oliver website if you want>
To be fair, they should stick to what they know; my new autumn collection can wait. In the meantime, I feel duty bound to check out the site’s 2,024 “marketing porn videos”. You never know I might actually learn something new about this industry…