“That time of year thou mayst in me behold, When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang, Upon those boughs which shake against the cold, Bare ruin’d choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.”
Yep, you guessed it Foxy fans, as the Bard explains so eloquently, autumn is busting out all over. The leaves are turning golden, the blackberries are ready to forage, the harvest is coming in and…it is, according to the boffins, the best time of the year to have sex.
You see, when it starts to get colder and the clocks go back, you significantly increase your chances of having consistently better sex, says none other than marriage life coach, doula, and the author of Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption, Shellie Warren. (What do you mean I will believe any old Tom, Dick and Harry in the quest to bash out this column sharpish and get on with the weekend?)
Her main argument is that autumn is the best time for great intimacy experiences because men’s testosterone levels tend to peak, while our female hormone glands are the most active, too.
And since sex ramps up oxytocin (the hormone typically linked to warm, fuzzy feelings) as well as dopamine (the hormone that causes you to feel pleasure) levels — having more sex can help to curb any feelings of sadness or melancholy that autumn may trigger.
But, I hear you ask, what does science say about the optimal times for sex and, the age-old question, what the hell has all this got to do with marketing?
Why, the first answer, answers the second, of course. After all, there is no point targeting consumers with advertising at a certain time of day if they will be hard at it in bed (or on the sofa, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, or on the garage floor).
And, we can exclusively reveal that science says 3pm is the best time for sex and consequently the worst time to run ads. Men’s estrogen levels are higher, which makes them want it more while our cortisol levels are peaking which means we have more tension to release. Not only that, but our energy levels are higher.
So, if you’re planning to run your TV ads during A Place in the Sun, Lingo, One Tree Hill, Magnum PI, Classic Coronation Street, Come Dine with Me – or even, ironically, Four in a Bed – reschedule sharpish. No-one will be watching.
On the other hand, in the hunt for a nice bung from Royal Mail MarketReach, I can confirm that the best way to reach pre- and postcoital couples is by direct mail, of course, as each mailing remains “live” in a home for 28 days.
Ditch the free pen or coupons and include some tissues or wet wipes and, as they say, your mailing is bound to go like the clappers.