Oh the joys of being me… are there any? Well, sometimes, just sometimes, I feel the love; sadly this week, much like my esteemed bosses, love appears to have walked out the door…
You see, it transpires that my appeal to find a new home for the Vagina Museum did not go down at all well with certain sections of our readership.
And, no sooner had I rubbed one out for the Vault of the Vayjayjay, the Land of the Lady Garden and Foo Foo Towers – yep, all three – than this august organ was inundated with complaints from disgruntled readers.
Too crude? Nope. Too rude? Never. Too nude? Not this time. No, dear Foxy fans, apparently I overstepped the mark of decency by ignoring our highly sensitive male members. The dicks were complaining that there simply wasn’t enough cock (now you now how we sisters feel).
I am now being forced to rebalance the books, and this week we are mostly celebrating International Penis Day, which, according to the official blurb, is known in Japan as Hōnensai, a festival celebrating fertility and harvest.
Its origins can be traced back to an ancient Japanese legend. As the story goes, a jealous, red-faced, sharped-tooth demon hid in the vagina of a goddess after falling in love with her. (If that’s not a cock and bull story I don’t know what is.)
Anyway, such was this demon’s jealousy that it proceeded to bite off the penises of two young men on two separate wedding nights.
In the aftermath of this grisly ordeal, the woman sought help from a blacksmith who made an iron phallus to break the demon’s teeth, which in turn led to the item’s enshrinement at Kanayama Shrine in Kawasaki.
One of the best-known festivals is held in the town of Komaki, during which Shinto priests play musical instruments, a parade carries a 250-year-old wooden phallus from one shrine to another but all round the country they party hard.
The celebration starts with preparing all sorts of food and souvenirs, a free flow of sake, and ends with the penis procession, prayers and blessings.
Now its origins might sound dubious, but basically it is a day full of sake and cock, and I for one am more than happy to feel the love for that…
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