“Mae hen wlad fy nhadau yn annwyl i mi, Gwlad beirdd a chantorion, enwogion o fri; Ei gwrol ryfelwyr, gwladgarwyr tra mad, Dros ryddid collasant eu gwaed…Gwlad, gwlad, pleidiol wyf i’m gwlad. Tra môr yn fur i’r bur hoff bau, O bydded i’r hen iaith barhau.”
No, dear Foxy fans, I haven’t just upended a whole bottle of Merlot into the keyboard, this is a big warm welcome from the Land of Our Fathers – or Queen Street, Cardiff, if you’re being pedantic.
Now, for those of you who are wondering how the Decision Marketing Bus Tour of Britain managed to get from “Dirty Leeds” to the “City of Arcades” in one piece, it didn’t. We are here but sadly the bus hasn’t made it yet.
You see, there we were in our four-on-the-floor when suddenly there was a loud bang. Tranny gone? Nope. Big end? Not this time. Bent rod? Luckily no. Our man from Green Flag said that not only did our rear end need greasing but we were also suffering from loose nipples. He had no idea what was wrong with the bus though…
Anyway, we’ve managed to leave our esteemed bosses to sort out the wheels and now find ourselves in the middle of Cardiff, with only the official blurb from the local tourist board for comfort. And I quote: “The city is bustling with exciting new events and attractions suitable for all ages and budgets. Discover everything to see and do, from touring a Gothic fantasy castle to zipping around a rafting course at an exhilarating speed at Cardiff International White Water.”
If that doesn’t rock your boat, there are at least 15 top dogging sites in the area (according to Doggingaction.co.uk), including, would you believe, somewhere fittingly called “Pound Hill”, on the A48 at Castleton; Cardiff Airport (dogging most afternoons, left of green hanger Old Air Wales Building); and “round the rear” of The Malsters public house car park, Llandaff. However, whether they are “attractions suitable for all ages and budgets” is debateable and as we are without transport we won’t be able to find out.
Luckily there is plenty of action in the city centre, although if Datinglocalgirls.com is right we might not get it all our own way as the local girls are far from the old dragons we were expecting: “Dating in the city of Cardiff is highly rewarding. The Welsh women are hot and sultry, as their petite figures and adventurous spirits offer a delicious blend of dating life that has a lot to offer.”
Not too sure what their definition of petite is but, put it this way, the ones I’ve seen so far make Roly-poly Roxy, Ponderous Peggy, Mega Meggy and, yours truly, Chockablock Foxy look anorexic. “Iechyd da!”